Mary, I read this and thought—you’re describing me as a kid. Not with the gender nonconformity or maybe even the neurodivergence (I don’t fit neatly into ASD, ADHD, or any of those categories, yet I’m not neurotypical either). But everything else? The restlessness, the questioning, the frustration with a system that demanded compliance instead of curiosity? That was me.
I knew early on that school wasn’t built for minds that needed more—more challenge, more movement, more depth. It wasn’t about being difficult; it was about suffocation. And when you can’t breathe, you either fight or shut down. I fought, then I shut down.
Actually, I’m remembering now that I always tried to engage with adults, constantly asking them questions. "Löcher in den Bauch gefragt"—there’s no adequate English translation for it, but it means I bombarded them with so many questions it must have felt like I was drilling holes into them. I wanted to understand everything, to pull the world apart and see how it worked.
What you say about pushing boundaries as a sign of optimization, not recklessness, hits hard. That’s exactly it. The kids who refuse to just accept, who question everything, who demand "why"—they aren’t broken. They’re built for something bigger. But instead of teaching them how to wield that, the system forces them into submission or lets them slip through the cracks.
Mary, I read this and thought—you’re describing me as a kid. Not with the gender nonconformity or maybe even the neurodivergence (I don’t fit neatly into ASD, ADHD, or any of those categories, yet I’m not neurotypical either). But everything else? The restlessness, the questioning, the frustration with a system that demanded compliance instead of curiosity? That was me.
I knew early on that school wasn’t built for minds that needed more—more challenge, more movement, more depth. It wasn’t about being difficult; it was about suffocation. And when you can’t breathe, you either fight or shut down. I fought, then I shut down.
Actually, I’m remembering now that I always tried to engage with adults, constantly asking them questions. "Löcher in den Bauch gefragt"—there’s no adequate English translation for it, but it means I bombarded them with so many questions it must have felt like I was drilling holes into them. I wanted to understand everything, to pull the world apart and see how it worked.
What you say about pushing boundaries as a sign of optimization, not recklessness, hits hard. That’s exactly it. The kids who refuse to just accept, who question everything, who demand "why"—they aren’t broken. They’re built for something bigger. But instead of teaching them how to wield that, the system forces them into submission or lets them slip through the cracks.
And you’re right: *that* is the real failure.