Mary, this is a powerful piece. Ann Taylor’s story carries a clarity that goes beyond inspiration—it speaks to the choices we make every day about how we move through the world.
I see the way you name the patterns, how women are trained to be small, to wait, to accommodate. And yet, the ones who refuse to follow that script are the ones who leave something behind. Taking up space isn’t just an act of defiance—it’s an act of presence.
I have never been a mother, yet I know what it means to be punished for refusing to conform. I wasn’t just squeezed into a box too small—I was expected to disappear into one that never fit at all. I ducked, I rebelled, I navigated. I complied only as much as survival required, and even then, not when it came to my sexual identity or gender expression. That was never up for negotiation.
I played along the part, so to speak, and felt completely hollow. "Fake it till you make it" wasn’t just a phrase—it was embodied. I knew, without a doubt, that what I was watching perform wasn’t me. It was a facade, a carnival mask. And since today is carnival in some regions of Germany—a big affair for many—I think of how I always hated it. I felt like I was living 366 days of carnival, forced to wear a mask I couldn’t take off. The worst part was knowing I was wearing it yet having no access to what was beneath. That disconnect lasted until last summer.
The way you connect this to raising children stands out. I have seen how early the conditioning begins, how girls are taught to be "helpful" while boys are encouraged to claim space. That pattern isn’t just personal—it shapes entire systems.
And that last truth lands. Playing small isn’t safety, it’s erasure. Reading your words, I see how much of my own life was shaped by refusing to stay small. Not recklessly, not without cost, yet always with the understanding that shrinking to fit someone else’s expectations was never truly an option. The ones who refuse to be erased are the ones who leave something behind.
Mary, this is a powerful piece. Ann Taylor’s story carries a clarity that goes beyond inspiration—it speaks to the choices we make every day about how we move through the world.
I see the way you name the patterns, how women are trained to be small, to wait, to accommodate. And yet, the ones who refuse to follow that script are the ones who leave something behind. Taking up space isn’t just an act of defiance—it’s an act of presence.
I have never been a mother, yet I know what it means to be punished for refusing to conform. I wasn’t just squeezed into a box too small—I was expected to disappear into one that never fit at all. I ducked, I rebelled, I navigated. I complied only as much as survival required, and even then, not when it came to my sexual identity or gender expression. That was never up for negotiation.
I played along the part, so to speak, and felt completely hollow. "Fake it till you make it" wasn’t just a phrase—it was embodied. I knew, without a doubt, that what I was watching perform wasn’t me. It was a facade, a carnival mask. And since today is carnival in some regions of Germany—a big affair for many—I think of how I always hated it. I felt like I was living 366 days of carnival, forced to wear a mask I couldn’t take off. The worst part was knowing I was wearing it yet having no access to what was beneath. That disconnect lasted until last summer.
The way you connect this to raising children stands out. I have seen how early the conditioning begins, how girls are taught to be "helpful" while boys are encouraged to claim space. That pattern isn’t just personal—it shapes entire systems.
And that last truth lands. Playing small isn’t safety, it’s erasure. Reading your words, I see how much of my own life was shaped by refusing to stay small. Not recklessly, not without cost, yet always with the understanding that shrinking to fit someone else’s expectations was never truly an option. The ones who refuse to be erased are the ones who leave something behind.
Thank you for writing this. It holds weight.
Thank you so much! That means the world to me. More coming soon—stay tuned!
Whoo hoo! Excellent, brutally raw article! Could not wait to read more.